Frivolity

On my three month anniversary of my fitness journey I have decided to set silly weight loss goals for myself.

1. To be able to wear knee high Uggs without ugly slouchyness.

I <3 These!

2. To be able to see my collar bones, I actually don't remember the last time they were visible but I'm pretty sure that it was High School.

3. To become a comfortable size 8 in jeans. 

4. To be a solid medium, I'm currently hovering between a Large and Medium.

5. When I make it into the 140's, I will buy myself a second pair of running shoes. I can't decide which pair yet but I like these two....

6. To participate and complete a Color me Rad 5K, Prevent Cancer 5K, and a Diabetes 5K.

7.  To look amazing in this dress on that special day...

Basically what I am saying that it's important to have mini-goals, long term goals and silly goals in order to keep you motivated along the way. For me I can't wait to see the 149 on my scale and every morning I close my eyes when I get on the scale in anticipation of what number will pop up. I am disappointed when I don't see it, but then tell myself, "maybe tomorrow." Set goals, write them down and try your best to impress yourself. 

Gorditas Have Skills

Due to my life as a Gordita I have some major skills. One of my skills is that I know how to remove grease stains from clothing. From being a messy and bad eater I had to master how to get those stains out of my clothes. The trick is simple, use hot water on the affected area, then use dish soap and rub it in, let it sit for about 10 minutes and then wash as normal. The stain will be gone!!! There are other methods out there, but I found this one worked great for me because it used someting that I always had on hand. Richy remarked just yesterday that it had been a long time since I had to remove grease from my clothes. I don't know if it's because I have slowed down when I eat or if my food does not have as much grease in it as it used to. I think it is probably a little bit of both.

I can also cook, it only makes sense since I like to eat so much. As I blog I have pot of homemade clam chowder on the stove. I'll be making salmon for myself. Although in the past I have reserved a cheat day just for Clam Chowder on the Wharf. I love to make all things fatty, and it tastes good too! Here is the clam chowder recipe that I use, although I have adapted it. Just in case you are taking a cheat day, or just want to make something yummy for your family or guests. I just wanted to make it for my family. I love making soups.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 carrot-diced
• 1 medium onion-diced
• 1 potato--diced
• 1 stalk of celery--diced
• 1/2 lb minced bacon
• 1 stick of butter
• 3 cloves fresh garlic--minced
• 1/2 quart (2 cups) clam juice
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 2 cups milk
• 2 cups cream
• 2 cups half-and-half
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1 lb chopped clams (fresh, frozen, or canned)
• 1/2 tsp clam base (optional)

DIRECTIONS

• 1
  Place vegetables, bacon and butter in a 5 qt sauce pot. Saute over medium heat until vegetables are tender. Be careful not to brown or scorch.
• 2
  When vegetables are tender, add flour to make a roux. Cook for two minutes, allowing flour to cook while stirring occasionally.
• 3
  Add clam juice and dairy products. Stir by using a wire whisk.
• 4
  Add fresh garlic, black pepper, chopped clams and clam base. Cook over low-medium heat stirring occasionally to prevent chowder from scorching. Cook for two hours or until chowder is brought to desired thickness.

Some Gorditas have really impressive self esteem. They are proud of every curve and pound. Now I didn't fall into this category, but a lot of women do. In my opinion being happy and healthy in your body is what is most important. Sadly I know more women that put on a lot of bravado, saying that they love their curves in an attempt to cover up how they really feel about their bodies. Embrace your curves if you are truly in love with them and are healthy, if not do something to become healthy and happy. The hardest thing is starting the process knowing that in an age of instant gratification it will take some time to see results. Start anyway, your body, and your mind will thank you for it. 

Hurdler

It is my opinion that most people that have a weight problem also tend to be emotional eaters. Having a bad day? Eat a dougnut and try your best to forget that pesky electricity bill that you can't afford. I know that I looked for comfort in food.
Food also evokes feelings of nostalgia, homemade tortillas remind me being at my Grandma's house in Fremont with my entire family. I remember my Aunt Lorraine's homemade rocky road candy and my Uncle Rueben's love for giant apple pies. And of course my Grandfather with this love for certain foods and dislikes for others. Huge batches of homemade chicken noodle soup to cure a cold, buckets of ice cream to combat any sadness or depression, yup I have found comfort in food. We base entire holidays around food in some form or another: Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, even the Fourth of July. It's no wonder that whenever we are stuggling emotionally that we tend to want to reach for food for comfort, to bring back feelings of happiness and home.

I can not say that I have completely conquered this behavior, I have been able to modify it though. Instead of reaching for a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice cream, I will grab a Skinny Cow Truffle Mocha Ice Cream bar or better yet a piece of fruit.  I remember waking up early on Thanksgiving morning to the smell of sausage frying in preparation for the sweet and savory stuffing that my mother always prepared, huge bags of Halloween candy, the special tamales that the family would make assembly line style for Christmas, and Fourth of July bar-b-ques all are happy memories. Believe me, this is not an easy behavior to fix or modify, but if I can do it, anyone can.
I have been really lucky to not suffered from injury since I have started this whole fitness journey. I do have a separated abdomen that dictates the amount and kind of core work that I can do and that has been a huge pain in the butt, but it has not stopped me from doing cardio work. Unfortuanetly I did get the stomach flu for a few days and there was really nothing that could be done about it. I could not exercise and when I finally was better I had to start exercising again very slowly because I was so weak. It sucks to get sick and to try to lose weight and be fit, but ultimately you need to slow down, take care of yourself and just focus a bit more on your nutrition instead of your elliptical. Remember the whole idea is to improve your health, not prolong your illness. As the cold and flu season is upon us, I suspect at some point or another I will get a cold or flu. I hope that it won't derail me for too long.
One major hurdle that I have encountered is my ever changing schedule. There are times when I have to work a graveyard shift and that messes up my sleeping, eating and exercise program. I literally cried to my Richy because I was overtired and not sure what or if I should eat. When you are awake for 24+ hours it's hard to stop eating, especially if you are using it as a mechanism to stay awake. I found that my stomach was growling constantly and in my efforts to stay awake and warm at work I was exercising. Then when I would get home my willpower was not as strong as it normally is because I was so tired.
Everyones obstacles and hurdles are different and what works for me may not work for you.

The Carnitas Effect

As a recovering Gordita, I have to say that I really didn't enjoy myself being overweight. When people ask me what was wrong with you when you were overweight, I usually say "Nothing, accept how I felt about myself." Well that and the ever increasing amount of health issues that I was developing as a side effect of my weight. I remember very clearly my weigh in for the Fitness Challenge at work, the trainer takes all your measurements, calculates your frame, BMI, etc. According to my BMI when I started this journey nearly three months ago, I was "severely obese." That is a harsh statement to look at, there is no sugar coating, that is raw hard data about your body that does nothing good for your self-esteem.

We are force fed an image of beauty, one that includes an underweight model that is "heroine chic." While super skinny is beautiful, overweight is funny, lazy or low class. There is a stigma that surrounds the overweight that is blatantly unfair. I found myself caught up in it, thinking less of myself because I was overweight. My weight made me ashamed of my body. I felt shame and embarrassment almost everywhere that I went and at times it felt so bad that I literally wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I don't know that if everyone that is overweight feels the same way that I did, and sometimes still do.  I wish I could say that I was a confident woman that had been able to embrace my "curves," but I wasn't. My husbands constant reassurances that I as beautiful did not fix the turmoil that was going on inside of me.

Something as simple as ordering food was agonizing because I was afraid that the waitress was secretly judging my selection. Sure I ate out and I had more than my fair share of greasy fried goodness, but I always had this perception that everyone in the restaurant was staring at me. As a rational person I know this isn't true, I know that people were there enjoying their meals and completely oblivious to the silent battle I was having with the menu in the booth next to them. During the summer we went to Great America and the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, I decided to ride a roller coaster. Talk about a sad and depressing reality check. Now, I wasn't so big that I couldn't ride but the lap bars were very tight across my midsection making what was supposed to be a fun experience was instead embarrassing and uncomfortable. To add to my discomfort, my large hips were making it difficult to properly sit down in the cart. As the attendant passed by checking all the safety restraints I was so nervous and embarrassed and it seemed like her gaze lingered on my belly and lap bar. I wanted to cry, but instead I smiled. 

As a woman, of course I like to shop, try on and buy new clothes but I found that I didn't enjoy it too much as a Gordita. I would much rather just order online and get it over with than have to face a clerk in a store. I had ordered a ton of new clothes from one of my favorite stores online and they all fit well, I didn't have to send back a single item. I had also ordered a few things from specialty shops that did not fit like I had hoped.  Although I ordered what I thought should fit the XL was still tight, I would stretch the shirt out before putting it on so that it would hug my body so closely. I felt like a busted can of biscuits and Baby Huey all rolled into one. Today all those new clothes are in a pile to go to a thrift store because they are too big. I look forward to trying on new clothes, even if I don't actually buy any.

In order to start participating in group fitness classes I really had to step out of my comfort zone. Again I was worried that everyone would be staring at the Gordita in the class, instead of concentrating on their own workouts. I remember really specifically one lady coming up to me after the completion of one of my classes and congratulating me on finishing the Zumba class in my delicate condition. Apparently the woman thought I was pregnant. OUCH!!! Oh yeah, that stung. It was almost enough to discourage me from going back, but then I thought about it: even though I was big and looked pregnant, I was still in the class and doing way better than everyone that was sitting at home watching TV.

I know that it seems pretty self absorbed to believe that everyone is taking time out of their day to judge you and look at you like you are a side show freak but in my opinion we as a society are overly critical of the overweight. Let me rephrase that, as a society we are quick to judge everyone based on their appearance. As my body image evolves and starts becoming more positive I find that I am less judgemental than I once was, which is an interesting side effect to this whole journey.

Out of Control

As my waistline shrinks and I am quickly approaching another smaller pant size I have been reflecting on my previous bad habits that resulted in my weight dilema. As I have said before, I love to eat, I love food.  For reasons that I don't understand I had no filter when it came to food. Either I didn't care how much and what I ate, or I truly didn't realize what I was doing. I guess the best way to describe it is that I was out of control.

I think of myself as a grazer, I like to sample food until I find what it is that I am craving. A spoonful of peanut butter here, a cookie there, a couple of chips, maybe a pickle, a bite of chicken, a tortilla with butter, nope none of this had the desired taste and yet I had eaten a whole meal and was still hungry and dissatisfied.   So I would continue to eat until I felt full, but never really satisfied. How do I combat that now? It's simple I pretty much decide what I am going to eat the day before. I have self imposed meal plans and snack plans. I know this sounds tedious and bit over the top but really it's the only way I have been able fight this behavior.

Often while cooking I had a tendency to "taste test" the food. I would do so much tasting that by the time the meal was completed I had eaten more than my share. I would then also sit down and eat the meal with my family doubling my portions, calories, and fat intake. I like to call that the "cooks curse." I still struggle with this, it takes a lot of self control to truly just sample the food make the appropriate adjustments with spice and leave it at that, especially if I'm hungry.

Like many people out there I was a boredom eater. For lack of anything better to do I would find myself at the fridge looking for something to eat. The choices that were made during these instances were never good for me usually a quesadilla with lots of sour cream on the side or some kind of nacho concoction.  Nowadays when I find that I want to go to the fridge out of boredom, I drink water. If in 20 minutes I'm still hungry then I will look for an appropriate snack.

When going out to eat I had convinced myself that it was perfectly acceptable to indulge my cravings every time and order what ever I wanted. There was the 2am Burger, the Carne Asada Fries, the Chile Relleno Burrito, the Torta de Carnitas, Deep Dish Pizza, and I would eat those after having appetizers of Fried Mozarella, Fried Artichoke Hearts, Stuffed Mushrooms, Cheese Fries, notice a theme yet?  Sometimes I would even find room for dessert. Now, I don't have a problem with alcohol but I would also order cocktails or beers with my meals that would add to my caloric intake for the meal. Do I still enjoy going out to eat, of course. I consider the indulgence now that I don't have to cook the meal. I am also looking forward to having a date with the love of my life Richy and being able to put on an outfit and impress him and myself.  Plus I love seafood, and veggies which is usually what is on the "lighter side" part of the menu.

Late night hunger was another foe of mine. I would eat any time of the day and never really considered the kitchen closed. Hungry at 3am? Go get yourself a PB&J sandwich, some ice cream or see what kind of leftovers are still in the fridge. Truly, I had no self control. Nowadays the kitchen closes at 8pm. If I feel hungry after that, I drink water, exercise or simply try to find something to do to keep myself occupied.

Breaking my bad habits has been a slow process and I would be a liar if I said that I was always perfect, there are some late night gummy bears on my conscience right now as a matter of fact. But I know that I have come a long way from making those old decisions and it won't be long before all those habits are truly in my past.

Foodie!

I love to eat, it really is as simple as that. I have no particular kind of weakness, all food is my kryptonite. Along with my love of eating, I also love to cook. I have literally been in the kitchen since I was three. Somewhere out there is a picture of me as a toddler in my underwear stuffing a turkey. My love for food and cooking has not changed since I started this journey, but my choices have.

I started slowly at first, in fact I don't even consider myself dieting for the first few weeks because I had made some simple changes. I am a soda drinker and started substituting my regular Coke for Coke Zero or water. Throughout the summer we were on the road a lot, which meant a lot of fast food. I started ordering salads with grilled chicken instead of getting burgers and fries. I also switched up my breakfast sandwich for oatmeal. 

Going out to eat or going to "get togethers," can present challenges when you are trying to watch what you eat. You are at the mercy of your host/hostess or menu at the restaurant. I have gone to many bar-b-ques, birthday parties and restaurants and still managed to consistently lose weight. If I know that we have plans coming up I will try to save a "cheat" day for that occasion. Typically I allow myself one cheat day a week, but I don't always use them. My first cheat day was on a day when I was hosting the party. I had prepared lengua, asada, carnitas, beans, mexican rice, jalapeno poppers, chicken, guacamole, and a few other things. I thought I would totally indulge on this day, but I didn't. I didn't even drink a beer or cocktail. My conscience and my new sense of portion control prevented me from over eating. While at bar-b-ques it can be difficult to make good choices, especially when everything is likely to be swimming in mayo. My best suggestions are to either utilize your cheat day but keep your portions under control or if it's a potluck bring a dish that you know you can eat. A lot of restaurants these days provide the calorie and fat content information next to the the menu item. I know first hand that BJ's and Chili's does this. Even on "cheat" days I don't go crazy with food, I tend to still pick out diet friendly things. I used to think that people who ordered protein style burgers were a little nuts, but I have to admit now that I really like them. Save yourself the calories from eating the bread, although it can be a bit messy. 

Portion control is a biggie, I don't own a food scale yet but it is definitely on my list of things to purchase. I do religiously use my measuring cups and spoons. The more I measure, the better sense I am getting of what is an appropriate serving size. Read the labels on food! You would be surprised at how small a serving is. As ridiculous as it seems, count out individual almonds, raisins, crackers, chips, etc. I felt a little crazy and OCD when I started adopting this behavior but your waistline will thank you for it. In a pinch, I found this chart really helpful. 

I am not a believer in a carbohydrate free diet, but I can say that I have cut out white rice, white bread, and white potatoes. All these things can be replaced with foods that are better for you and nutrient dense. Brown rice, multi-grain or whole wheat bread, and sweet potatoes. My refrigerator is full of fruits and veggies, try your hardest to get your recommended daily servings of these in and you will find that you are pretty full and have not consumed that many calories.

It seems weird to say that snacking is important and yet snacking can present challenges, especially on the go. Between meals and snacks it feels like I am eating all the time! Try to limit your snack caloric intake to about 150-200 calories per snack.  I tend to have at least one snack in my purse in the form of raw almonds, or a banana.  While at work and home I tend to have nuts, low fat string cheese, hard boiled eggs, fruit, cucumbers, or other veggies. I also enjoy snacking on these other items:

Before a work out I love to have a small peanut butter sandwich, this helps build muscle in your body which will in turn help you burn more calories and fat. Plus, having taken a nutrition class in college I know that, combining a multi-grain bread with peanut butter creates a complete protein. I have a strong preference to the all natural peanut butter because there are two ingredients in it: peanuts and salt. I recommend Adams 100% Natural Peanut Butter. It can take some getting used to if you are accustomed to eating Skippy or Jif which adds a lot of fillers and sugar to their peanut butter.

There are a few foods that are highly recommended after a work out, fruit and chocolate milk. I love Dark Chocolate AlmondMilk. It feels like a total indulgence and tastes like a milk shake. I buy a few at a time and keep them in the fridge.

I love breakfast and I never miss it, I have a few standards that I eat pretty regularly. Under my snack photos there is a picture Fage Greek Yogurt with Honey, that is a favorite of mine that I will often eat for breakfast with a banana and be plenty full for hours. Oatmeal is another favorite, which is pretty funny because as a kid I would not touch it. Lately I have been adding cinnamon, vanilla and raisins with a dusting of *hemp seeds to it, but I also enjoy it with honey, peaches and blueberries. My suggestion is to buy frozen fruits to add to your oatmeal, it also helps your hot cereal cool down to an edible temperature. I don't eat the instant stuff, it's not as good for you. Think of it like canned vegetables, they started out good for you but then got over processed and all the nutrition is gone leaving you with a lot of sodium and a ghost of a vegetable. Through my obsession with Pinterest I have also found a **cold oatmeal recipe that incorporates ***chia seeds, this is a fun switch up and is much nicer on warm mornings. For my morning meal I also enjoy my version of a breakfast torta, complete with one egg, 1/4 avocado, 1/2oz queso fresco, and 1/4 cup of refried beans again on a multi-grain round. This may sound weird to you but trust me it is delicious!!! I have even got my Richy eating this "torta" and loving it, it also is really filling.

Packing my lunch for work feels like a big task in the morning. I don't have access to a microwave at work so I don't buy any kind of prepared microwave meal. I think it's better that way anyway. Now by all means if you don't have time in the morning to dedicate to packing your lunch go ahead and grab a frozen meal, I usually opt for Subway in those instances though. I often fill my lunch box to capacity with lots of different healthy options so that I don't try to sneak in a Snickers bar. My usual lunch includes a really hardy salad with base of baby kale, mixed baby greens and spinach. I built it up from there, typically adding sunflower seeds, a hard boiled egg, a possibly a Laughing Cow cheese. I am a minority that really enjoys beets, I incorporate them into my salads and my sandwiches. Using non-fat greek yogurt, I have been making myself chicken salad sandwiches with sauteed kale and onions or a tuna sandwich. 

Dinner can sometimes be the most difficult meal, I don't usually want to eat too much. My favorites for dinner are salmon, bean tacos, chicken and of course a salad. Like I mentioned earlier I have pretty much gotten rid of white rice and white flour options so that means I use brown rice, and corn tortillas. I was the weird kid at the dinner table that never had to be forced to eat brussel sprouts, as an adult I still really enjoy them roasted or sauteed as a side dish. 

One thing I never forget to do is to add flavor to my food, I use plenty of black pepper, garlic, onions, cumin, and lemon. You have to keep your taste buds interested in what you are eating, otherwise trying to adopt a new lifestyle can kinda be a bust. I am still a fat kid at heart, so making good choices with food is not always easy. Basically I am trying to re-teach myself how to eat and I am 36 years old and have lots of bad habits that need breaking. (another blog to come on that subject) Remember my confession of Carne Asada Fries and the 2am Burger, in reality those particular foods are not that far in my past. Sometimes it seems that it takes all the self control that I can muster to not go down to the local Mexican Bakery and order two tamales con todo. Even now as I am thinking about it my stomach is growling and my mouth is watering. 

The foods that I find helpful are definitely not for everyone. Very few people love beets, kale and brussell sprouts like I do. Others are reluctant to try new things. Truly variety and my curiosity has made this whole weight loss process a lot easier and I am eager to try more recipes and more foods.

*http://www.livestrong.com/article/167905-what-are-the-benefits-of-hemp-seeds/

**http://www.theyummylife.com/Refrigerator_Oatmeal

***http://www.livestrong.com/article/444471-top-ten-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds/

My Dryer Shrunk My Clothes!!!

I remember the very first time I blamed my weight gain on my dryer. I was in college and like most people in college I had gained weight. Clothes that fit me beautifully through High School were now barely zipping. My dryer must have shrunk my jeans, there was simply no other explanation for it. I remember staring down my jeans and the offending household appliance, thinking that there must be some way to get even with them for conspiring against me. The only thing that I could think of was to stop using the dryer and let everything air dry so that my clothes wouldn't "shrink" so much. I would begin to do this after I went and bought some new clothes, for some reason the fact that I was now buying a bigger size never came to my attention. To be fair with myself I also didn't notice when I was buying smaller sizes.

There were other silly things that I told myself as I continued to gain weight. You know the old adage that the camera adds 5lbs, well in my book it did that to my double chin alone. I could not figure out why there was not a picture of me that I really liked, I always blamed the camera for the reason that there was not a single good picture of me. To combat my ongoing feud with this form of technology I would thrust my chin forward or try to bury it in my shoulder, hide behind friends or children, or take pictures from above to give myself a more slender look. I would prefer that my body was not photographed at all, because clearly the cameras were of poor quality and they would easily add 30lbs., without my permission.

I justified the cleaning of my plate at restaurants. I would remind myself that I hated food waste and even if I took some home that I wouldn't eat it. You can really get yourself in trouble when eating out, I know I did. I love Carne Asada Fries, they are like comfort food for me. Really how can you get better than Mexican food on french fries? I would clean my plate with a gluttonous smile. Besides, lots of people ate more than me. What about the show Man V. Food, I mean clearly I wasn't over indulging like Adam Richman. Now that guys food habits were out of control. 

As the years progressed and I continued to put on weight I developed a snoring problem. That was totally easy to explain! It was genetic! I had heard my Dad snore a thousand times and he even had sleeping mask.  Richy would sometimes tell me that it seemed like I was having a snoring competition with our English Bulldog or even with the TV (he would sometimes have to turn it up because I was so loud apparently my unconscious answer to that was to snore even louder).  Snoring was not my fault at all, I could blame my DNA and stay oblivious to my increasing waistline. 

I had developed darkening skin on my neck and would scrub it constantly trying to get it to lighten or go away. I actually told myself that I had bad hygiene, instead of admitting that I could be pre-diabetic. Seriously, I would rather have considered myself dirty than admit that the dark skin was from being overweight! Even I admit that untruth was dangerous.

My blood pressure started to climb at an early age as well. Now again I could explain this away with DNA. I had a family history of high blood pressure. So I didn't have to take personal responsibility for this particular ailment. Looking back I had become pretty reckless with my health.

When you are overweight you have a tendency to avoid full length mirrors, well at least I did. If you don't look at yourself then it's easy to deny that you have a problem.  I would also like to compare myself with other overweight people. I could easily say that I am not overweight because I am not as big as the Mom from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape." What I didn't do was compare myself to my more thin and fit friends. 

Why now after a lifetime of denial am I finally able to really see me? I ask myself that too, but the answer has evaded me as well. I'm not sure why... I dont' know why that particular picture got through to me. I don't know why I was suddenly able to look at myself and say I'm unhappy with the way that I look and I am becoming concerned about my health. 

What I do know is that today I am 27lbs lighter than when I started and I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far. I still have a ways to go to reach my goal and so much more to blog about.