City of Trees

In my previous post, I eluded to the fact that there has been a lot that contributed to my weight gain. I also barely touched on so many different topics, I feel that each unfinished thought deserves a blog or explanation.
In December of 2014, I was promoted and moved to the Sacramento area. We knew that the promotion and move were coming but as my official start date came closer, we were unprepared. We had made several trips to the area to find housing, however had failed. We did not know how competitive the housing market is here. Eventually my start date came and I moved in with my grandmother while my family stayed in the Salinas Valley. Although I was familiar with the company, the position was brand new to me. I was an Administrator for a Mental Health Facility. When I moved to the area it was a 16 bed facility and while I was there it grew to be 28 beds, with more beds planned to open in the immediate future.
I worked, a lot, and when not working I was house hunting. I desperately missed my family and cried from King City to Fremont the day I left. The tears did not abate, it took a month for me to find housing and get my family moved to the area. I was FaceTiming my husband every night, crying and trying to figure out how I could keep pushing ahead when I felt so alone and overwhelmed.
Since graduating from college I have chose to dedicate my life to helping the mentally ill, it is not a decision that I regret, ever. I have worked with children and adults, and I find my job rewarding and fulfilling. That being said, it can be very stressful. I have been in many different roles with two different companies. Expectations are exceedingly high, and for good reason. Our consumer is one of the most under served populations around. Along with keeping our clients, happy and healthy we are also subject to State Licensing expectations, add on to that the company expectations and the pressure was relentless.
I was on call 24/7, even when I wasn't on call. I went to work on my days off because the State would make surprise visits. I took calls and text messages from the owners of the company day and night. I was a slave to my phone, constantly reading and responding to emails, making sure that I always had it in my hand, in my pocket or in my purse. I never begrudged my role as Administrator, in fact I loved it. I knew what I was signing up for, but eventually the pressure became too much from me.
As I mentioned before I started having health issues. Almost all of my health issues were related to stress. I was losing my hair and packing on the weight. Before becoming an administrator I was a residential counselor, as a residential counselor I moved around a lot, my whole day was spent on my feet. With my promotion I had become much more sedentary and more prone to snacking and eating my feelings. I had tried on several different occasions to improve my eating habits, without incorporating any exercise, however I wasn't committed. I was too stressed and did not give myself enough time to really focus on it. I did discover a few different places that I like to eat, that could be healthy if you made the right choices, one was Vibe Health Bar in Oak Park, close to where I worked. Vibe has some of the most creative and delicious smoothies that I have ever tried, one of them is called City of Trees. The other location I discovered was Anna's Vegan Cafe, I am not a vegan, not even close, but I really enjoyed the food there. If I could afford to be a pescetarian, that would be ideal for me.
I went on like this for nearly two years. I was becoming really unhappy, where I used to love to go to work, I was now dreading it. The company and the clients deserved better and luckily an opportunity arose for me to go back to working with kids, so I resigned. I truly do miss some of my co-workers from that facility and really miss some of the clients. In this industry we are never supposed to have our favorites when it comes to clients, but we all do. Some clients just have a way of working themselves into your heart, even when you have really good boundaries.
With my resignation I now feel like I have more time for myself and my family. I missed so much while working with the other company. Family parties, holidays, parent teacher conferences. Very recently I have completely forgotten about my phone, leaving it in my car, leaving it in the bedroom for most of the day, to be fair I also now have an iPad that I utilize for all my social media and it is a big part of my weight loss plan/routine. I'll soon have a blog all about technology and weight loss.  I have made myself a commitment that I will spend time on myself in the form of a gym session 6/7 days a week. A friend of mine likes to add #strongmom to her fitness posts and pictures, I realized that's what I want to be. Being a strong mom means being strong physically and mentally strong, being present for my family and children. Just because I changed jobs does not mean that I don't have stress anymore, but I can tell you that I am coping better with the stress that I do have.

City of Trees Smoothie (inspired by Vibe Health Bar)
1/2 cup frozen pineapple
1/2 cup frozen mango
1 cup spinach
1 frozen banana
1/4 seeded and cored jalapeno
1 finger tip of ginger
1 TBSP Chia Seeds
1 cup Coconut Water
I asked my husband and kids to try this smoothie and they did not love it as much as I did. They both said that it tasted like salsa. I personally didn't get that impression but everyone's taste buds are different.

Laziness and Stress and Weight Gain, OH MY!

I fell off the wagon, and I stayed there for a long while. I recently rediscovered my blog and remembered how much I enjoyed writing about my experience and struggle with my weight. I do not aspire to be skinny, I want to be healthy. As I work on this blog again, it is important that I remind myself and everyone that I am not doing this to become what society dictates as perfect, acceptable, beautiful. I am doing this for me and to some large extent for my family. I have been hospitalized for extremely high blood pressure, like 200/100 range. It was scary, but it still wasn't the wake up call that you might think because although my blood pressure was astronomical, my heart according to all tests that are available is healthy. I know that does not rule out the fact that I was also a stroke victim waiting to happen. My wake up call was my 4 year old affectionately playing with my belly while my 5 year old called me fat. There was no intent to be hurtful from my children, but their words and actions cut deep and resonated within me. I cried, a lot, I still get teary when I think about it.

Let me tell you, falling off the fitness wagon completely is delicious. I have eaten with wild abandon, turned 40 and kept eating. I watched as my waistline steadily increased from a size 10 to a size 16.
So much has happened since I dared to blog. We moved from Monterey County to Sacramento because I got promoted. My promotion contributed to my steady weight gain. I have some many excuses about why or how it happened.

Stress, OMG, the stress. It is hard to be a manager. I love working with the population that I work with, however it does definitely have its challenges. I'm an emotional eater and I eat my feelings, this is a life long struggle for me. I do my best to control it and integrate other skills, but it is the skill that I have heavily relied on for most of my life.

I love to cook for my family and I want to make them food that they will enjoy eating. I love making them homemade Macaroni and Cheese, Chicken Alfredo Bakes, Swedish Meatballs, Enchiladas, Posole, Mozzarella Stuffed Meatballs with Spaghetti. There was a time when I was able to control my urge to sample and make myself a lightened version of what everyone else was eating, but after my promotion and the move, it became too difficult and I became too lazy. I did not want to spend all evening in the kitchen making two different dinners and I did not want to inflict my dinner on the rest of the family. With our move, we are also a lot closer to all kinds of different fast, convenience food. Costco pizza is only $9.99, that is so affordable when trying to stretch your pennies. I have continued to question why the healthy food is the most expensive.

I am embarrassed that I have put on so much weight. I had thrown away all my "fat" clothes in order to discourage weight gain and ended up having to buy those sizes again. I have been trying and failing to hide behind my children when taking photos. I am only 4'11'', I always have to be in front in the group photos. While taking a selfie with my husband the other day, I just couldn't believe how big my face was, it was not possible to get a good angle shot. It seems to me that being fit is almost a full time job in itself, with the meal planning, the meal prepping, the exercising. It is so time consuming.
But as my health began to fade and my jeans became bigger, I gained a new perspective. Being healthy is an investment in yourself, it means that you find yourself worthy of spending time and money on yourself and the tools that you need to become healthy. I have so many tools and gadgets at my disposal now: a Nurti Ninja, Planet Fitness (comes with unlimited "Design Your Own Program" with a Fitness Trainer, Nike Apple Watch, blue tooth headphones, a Fabletics wardrobe, and the best gift of all, a supportive partner.

So now I am back on track, eating better, going to Planet Fitness along with a job change.  I do not love the 5AM alarm to get up and go. Right before my 41st birthday, I had a full on tantrum and cried because I didn't want to go to the gym. I still went, no one is making me, I am my own worst enemy. Due to my meltdown, I have given myself permission to make Wednesdays my rest day from the gym. Although the trainer is doing a 5 Day A Week program for me, I was pushing myself to go to the gym every day.

The 5 Day Workout Plan

I kinda think the Trainer hates me, this is the routine that goes with the workout plan. 

Some of my favorite Christmas Gifts

The Smoothie that I have affectionately named La Fea
1/2 Cup  Frozen Pineapple
1/2 Cup Frozen Blueberries
1 TBSP Almond Butter
1 Cup Kale
3 oz Light Vanilla Greek Yogurt
3/4 Cup Water
1/2 TBSP Chia Seeds
1 TBSP Maca Powder

Lunch at work.

I do not look cute when I work out, but always feel better about myself when I finish my routine.