Laziness and Stress and Weight Gain, OH MY!

I fell off the wagon, and I stayed there for a long while. I recently rediscovered my blog and remembered how much I enjoyed writing about my experience and struggle with my weight. I do not aspire to be skinny, I want to be healthy. As I work on this blog again, it is important that I remind myself and everyone that I am not doing this to become what society dictates as perfect, acceptable, beautiful. I am doing this for me and to some large extent for my family. I have been hospitalized for extremely high blood pressure, like 200/100 range. It was scary, but it still wasn't the wake up call that you might think because although my blood pressure was astronomical, my heart according to all tests that are available is healthy. I know that does not rule out the fact that I was also a stroke victim waiting to happen. My wake up call was my 4 year old affectionately playing with my belly while my 5 year old called me fat. There was no intent to be hurtful from my children, but their words and actions cut deep and resonated within me. I cried, a lot, I still get teary when I think about it.

Let me tell you, falling off the fitness wagon completely is delicious. I have eaten with wild abandon, turned 40 and kept eating. I watched as my waistline steadily increased from a size 10 to a size 16.
So much has happened since I dared to blog. We moved from Monterey County to Sacramento because I got promoted. My promotion contributed to my steady weight gain. I have some many excuses about why or how it happened.

Stress, OMG, the stress. It is hard to be a manager. I love working with the population that I work with, however it does definitely have its challenges. I'm an emotional eater and I eat my feelings, this is a life long struggle for me. I do my best to control it and integrate other skills, but it is the skill that I have heavily relied on for most of my life.

I love to cook for my family and I want to make them food that they will enjoy eating. I love making them homemade Macaroni and Cheese, Chicken Alfredo Bakes, Swedish Meatballs, Enchiladas, Posole, Mozzarella Stuffed Meatballs with Spaghetti. There was a time when I was able to control my urge to sample and make myself a lightened version of what everyone else was eating, but after my promotion and the move, it became too difficult and I became too lazy. I did not want to spend all evening in the kitchen making two different dinners and I did not want to inflict my dinner on the rest of the family. With our move, we are also a lot closer to all kinds of different fast, convenience food. Costco pizza is only $9.99, that is so affordable when trying to stretch your pennies. I have continued to question why the healthy food is the most expensive.

I am embarrassed that I have put on so much weight. I had thrown away all my "fat" clothes in order to discourage weight gain and ended up having to buy those sizes again. I have been trying and failing to hide behind my children when taking photos. I am only 4'11'', I always have to be in front in the group photos. While taking a selfie with my husband the other day, I just couldn't believe how big my face was, it was not possible to get a good angle shot. It seems to me that being fit is almost a full time job in itself, with the meal planning, the meal prepping, the exercising. It is so time consuming.
But as my health began to fade and my jeans became bigger, I gained a new perspective. Being healthy is an investment in yourself, it means that you find yourself worthy of spending time and money on yourself and the tools that you need to become healthy. I have so many tools and gadgets at my disposal now: a Nurti Ninja, Planet Fitness (comes with unlimited "Design Your Own Program" with a Fitness Trainer, Nike Apple Watch, blue tooth headphones, a Fabletics wardrobe, and the best gift of all, a supportive partner.

So now I am back on track, eating better, going to Planet Fitness along with a job change.  I do not love the 5AM alarm to get up and go. Right before my 41st birthday, I had a full on tantrum and cried because I didn't want to go to the gym. I still went, no one is making me, I am my own worst enemy. Due to my meltdown, I have given myself permission to make Wednesdays my rest day from the gym. Although the trainer is doing a 5 Day A Week program for me, I was pushing myself to go to the gym every day.

The 5 Day Workout Plan

I kinda think the Trainer hates me, this is the routine that goes with the workout plan. 

Some of my favorite Christmas Gifts

The Smoothie that I have affectionately named La Fea
1/2 Cup  Frozen Pineapple
1/2 Cup Frozen Blueberries
1 TBSP Almond Butter
1 Cup Kale
3 oz Light Vanilla Greek Yogurt
3/4 Cup Water
1/2 TBSP Chia Seeds
1 TBSP Maca Powder

Lunch at work.

I do not look cute when I work out, but always feel better about myself when I finish my routine.