Out of Control

As my waistline shrinks and I am quickly approaching another smaller pant size I have been reflecting on my previous bad habits that resulted in my weight dilema. As I have said before, I love to eat, I love food.  For reasons that I don't understand I had no filter when it came to food. Either I didn't care how much and what I ate, or I truly didn't realize what I was doing. I guess the best way to describe it is that I was out of control.

I think of myself as a grazer, I like to sample food until I find what it is that I am craving. A spoonful of peanut butter here, a cookie there, a couple of chips, maybe a pickle, a bite of chicken, a tortilla with butter, nope none of this had the desired taste and yet I had eaten a whole meal and was still hungry and dissatisfied.   So I would continue to eat until I felt full, but never really satisfied. How do I combat that now? It's simple I pretty much decide what I am going to eat the day before. I have self imposed meal plans and snack plans. I know this sounds tedious and bit over the top but really it's the only way I have been able fight this behavior.

Often while cooking I had a tendency to "taste test" the food. I would do so much tasting that by the time the meal was completed I had eaten more than my share. I would then also sit down and eat the meal with my family doubling my portions, calories, and fat intake. I like to call that the "cooks curse." I still struggle with this, it takes a lot of self control to truly just sample the food make the appropriate adjustments with spice and leave it at that, especially if I'm hungry.

Like many people out there I was a boredom eater. For lack of anything better to do I would find myself at the fridge looking for something to eat. The choices that were made during these instances were never good for me usually a quesadilla with lots of sour cream on the side or some kind of nacho concoction.  Nowadays when I find that I want to go to the fridge out of boredom, I drink water. If in 20 minutes I'm still hungry then I will look for an appropriate snack.

When going out to eat I had convinced myself that it was perfectly acceptable to indulge my cravings every time and order what ever I wanted. There was the 2am Burger, the Carne Asada Fries, the Chile Relleno Burrito, the Torta de Carnitas, Deep Dish Pizza, and I would eat those after having appetizers of Fried Mozarella, Fried Artichoke Hearts, Stuffed Mushrooms, Cheese Fries, notice a theme yet?  Sometimes I would even find room for dessert. Now, I don't have a problem with alcohol but I would also order cocktails or beers with my meals that would add to my caloric intake for the meal. Do I still enjoy going out to eat, of course. I consider the indulgence now that I don't have to cook the meal. I am also looking forward to having a date with the love of my life Richy and being able to put on an outfit and impress him and myself.  Plus I love seafood, and veggies which is usually what is on the "lighter side" part of the menu.

Late night hunger was another foe of mine. I would eat any time of the day and never really considered the kitchen closed. Hungry at 3am? Go get yourself a PB&J sandwich, some ice cream or see what kind of leftovers are still in the fridge. Truly, I had no self control. Nowadays the kitchen closes at 8pm. If I feel hungry after that, I drink water, exercise or simply try to find something to do to keep myself occupied.

Breaking my bad habits has been a slow process and I would be a liar if I said that I was always perfect, there are some late night gummy bears on my conscience right now as a matter of fact. But I know that I have come a long way from making those old decisions and it won't be long before all those habits are truly in my past.

Foodie!

I love to eat, it really is as simple as that. I have no particular kind of weakness, all food is my kryptonite. Along with my love of eating, I also love to cook. I have literally been in the kitchen since I was three. Somewhere out there is a picture of me as a toddler in my underwear stuffing a turkey. My love for food and cooking has not changed since I started this journey, but my choices have.

I started slowly at first, in fact I don't even consider myself dieting for the first few weeks because I had made some simple changes. I am a soda drinker and started substituting my regular Coke for Coke Zero or water. Throughout the summer we were on the road a lot, which meant a lot of fast food. I started ordering salads with grilled chicken instead of getting burgers and fries. I also switched up my breakfast sandwich for oatmeal. 

Going out to eat or going to "get togethers," can present challenges when you are trying to watch what you eat. You are at the mercy of your host/hostess or menu at the restaurant. I have gone to many bar-b-ques, birthday parties and restaurants and still managed to consistently lose weight. If I know that we have plans coming up I will try to save a "cheat" day for that occasion. Typically I allow myself one cheat day a week, but I don't always use them. My first cheat day was on a day when I was hosting the party. I had prepared lengua, asada, carnitas, beans, mexican rice, jalapeno poppers, chicken, guacamole, and a few other things. I thought I would totally indulge on this day, but I didn't. I didn't even drink a beer or cocktail. My conscience and my new sense of portion control prevented me from over eating. While at bar-b-ques it can be difficult to make good choices, especially when everything is likely to be swimming in mayo. My best suggestions are to either utilize your cheat day but keep your portions under control or if it's a potluck bring a dish that you know you can eat. A lot of restaurants these days provide the calorie and fat content information next to the the menu item. I know first hand that BJ's and Chili's does this. Even on "cheat" days I don't go crazy with food, I tend to still pick out diet friendly things. I used to think that people who ordered protein style burgers were a little nuts, but I have to admit now that I really like them. Save yourself the calories from eating the bread, although it can be a bit messy. 

Portion control is a biggie, I don't own a food scale yet but it is definitely on my list of things to purchase. I do religiously use my measuring cups and spoons. The more I measure, the better sense I am getting of what is an appropriate serving size. Read the labels on food! You would be surprised at how small a serving is. As ridiculous as it seems, count out individual almonds, raisins, crackers, chips, etc. I felt a little crazy and OCD when I started adopting this behavior but your waistline will thank you for it. In a pinch, I found this chart really helpful. 

I am not a believer in a carbohydrate free diet, but I can say that I have cut out white rice, white bread, and white potatoes. All these things can be replaced with foods that are better for you and nutrient dense. Brown rice, multi-grain or whole wheat bread, and sweet potatoes. My refrigerator is full of fruits and veggies, try your hardest to get your recommended daily servings of these in and you will find that you are pretty full and have not consumed that many calories.

It seems weird to say that snacking is important and yet snacking can present challenges, especially on the go. Between meals and snacks it feels like I am eating all the time! Try to limit your snack caloric intake to about 150-200 calories per snack.  I tend to have at least one snack in my purse in the form of raw almonds, or a banana.  While at work and home I tend to have nuts, low fat string cheese, hard boiled eggs, fruit, cucumbers, or other veggies. I also enjoy snacking on these other items:

Before a work out I love to have a small peanut butter sandwich, this helps build muscle in your body which will in turn help you burn more calories and fat. Plus, having taken a nutrition class in college I know that, combining a multi-grain bread with peanut butter creates a complete protein. I have a strong preference to the all natural peanut butter because there are two ingredients in it: peanuts and salt. I recommend Adams 100% Natural Peanut Butter. It can take some getting used to if you are accustomed to eating Skippy or Jif which adds a lot of fillers and sugar to their peanut butter.

There are a few foods that are highly recommended after a work out, fruit and chocolate milk. I love Dark Chocolate AlmondMilk. It feels like a total indulgence and tastes like a milk shake. I buy a few at a time and keep them in the fridge.

I love breakfast and I never miss it, I have a few standards that I eat pretty regularly. Under my snack photos there is a picture Fage Greek Yogurt with Honey, that is a favorite of mine that I will often eat for breakfast with a banana and be plenty full for hours. Oatmeal is another favorite, which is pretty funny because as a kid I would not touch it. Lately I have been adding cinnamon, vanilla and raisins with a dusting of *hemp seeds to it, but I also enjoy it with honey, peaches and blueberries. My suggestion is to buy frozen fruits to add to your oatmeal, it also helps your hot cereal cool down to an edible temperature. I don't eat the instant stuff, it's not as good for you. Think of it like canned vegetables, they started out good for you but then got over processed and all the nutrition is gone leaving you with a lot of sodium and a ghost of a vegetable. Through my obsession with Pinterest I have also found a **cold oatmeal recipe that incorporates ***chia seeds, this is a fun switch up and is much nicer on warm mornings. For my morning meal I also enjoy my version of a breakfast torta, complete with one egg, 1/4 avocado, 1/2oz queso fresco, and 1/4 cup of refried beans again on a multi-grain round. This may sound weird to you but trust me it is delicious!!! I have even got my Richy eating this "torta" and loving it, it also is really filling.

Packing my lunch for work feels like a big task in the morning. I don't have access to a microwave at work so I don't buy any kind of prepared microwave meal. I think it's better that way anyway. Now by all means if you don't have time in the morning to dedicate to packing your lunch go ahead and grab a frozen meal, I usually opt for Subway in those instances though. I often fill my lunch box to capacity with lots of different healthy options so that I don't try to sneak in a Snickers bar. My usual lunch includes a really hardy salad with base of baby kale, mixed baby greens and spinach. I built it up from there, typically adding sunflower seeds, a hard boiled egg, a possibly a Laughing Cow cheese. I am a minority that really enjoys beets, I incorporate them into my salads and my sandwiches. Using non-fat greek yogurt, I have been making myself chicken salad sandwiches with sauteed kale and onions or a tuna sandwich. 

Dinner can sometimes be the most difficult meal, I don't usually want to eat too much. My favorites for dinner are salmon, bean tacos, chicken and of course a salad. Like I mentioned earlier I have pretty much gotten rid of white rice and white flour options so that means I use brown rice, and corn tortillas. I was the weird kid at the dinner table that never had to be forced to eat brussel sprouts, as an adult I still really enjoy them roasted or sauteed as a side dish. 

One thing I never forget to do is to add flavor to my food, I use plenty of black pepper, garlic, onions, cumin, and lemon. You have to keep your taste buds interested in what you are eating, otherwise trying to adopt a new lifestyle can kinda be a bust. I am still a fat kid at heart, so making good choices with food is not always easy. Basically I am trying to re-teach myself how to eat and I am 36 years old and have lots of bad habits that need breaking. (another blog to come on that subject) Remember my confession of Carne Asada Fries and the 2am Burger, in reality those particular foods are not that far in my past. Sometimes it seems that it takes all the self control that I can muster to not go down to the local Mexican Bakery and order two tamales con todo. Even now as I am thinking about it my stomach is growling and my mouth is watering. 

The foods that I find helpful are definitely not for everyone. Very few people love beets, kale and brussell sprouts like I do. Others are reluctant to try new things. Truly variety and my curiosity has made this whole weight loss process a lot easier and I am eager to try more recipes and more foods.

*http://www.livestrong.com/article/167905-what-are-the-benefits-of-hemp-seeds/

**http://www.theyummylife.com/Refrigerator_Oatmeal

***http://www.livestrong.com/article/444471-top-ten-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds/

My Dryer Shrunk My Clothes!!!

I remember the very first time I blamed my weight gain on my dryer. I was in college and like most people in college I had gained weight. Clothes that fit me beautifully through High School were now barely zipping. My dryer must have shrunk my jeans, there was simply no other explanation for it. I remember staring down my jeans and the offending household appliance, thinking that there must be some way to get even with them for conspiring against me. The only thing that I could think of was to stop using the dryer and let everything air dry so that my clothes wouldn't "shrink" so much. I would begin to do this after I went and bought some new clothes, for some reason the fact that I was now buying a bigger size never came to my attention. To be fair with myself I also didn't notice when I was buying smaller sizes.

There were other silly things that I told myself as I continued to gain weight. You know the old adage that the camera adds 5lbs, well in my book it did that to my double chin alone. I could not figure out why there was not a picture of me that I really liked, I always blamed the camera for the reason that there was not a single good picture of me. To combat my ongoing feud with this form of technology I would thrust my chin forward or try to bury it in my shoulder, hide behind friends or children, or take pictures from above to give myself a more slender look. I would prefer that my body was not photographed at all, because clearly the cameras were of poor quality and they would easily add 30lbs., without my permission.

I justified the cleaning of my plate at restaurants. I would remind myself that I hated food waste and even if I took some home that I wouldn't eat it. You can really get yourself in trouble when eating out, I know I did. I love Carne Asada Fries, they are like comfort food for me. Really how can you get better than Mexican food on french fries? I would clean my plate with a gluttonous smile. Besides, lots of people ate more than me. What about the show Man V. Food, I mean clearly I wasn't over indulging like Adam Richman. Now that guys food habits were out of control. 

As the years progressed and I continued to put on weight I developed a snoring problem. That was totally easy to explain! It was genetic! I had heard my Dad snore a thousand times and he even had sleeping mask.  Richy would sometimes tell me that it seemed like I was having a snoring competition with our English Bulldog or even with the TV (he would sometimes have to turn it up because I was so loud apparently my unconscious answer to that was to snore even louder).  Snoring was not my fault at all, I could blame my DNA and stay oblivious to my increasing waistline. 

I had developed darkening skin on my neck and would scrub it constantly trying to get it to lighten or go away. I actually told myself that I had bad hygiene, instead of admitting that I could be pre-diabetic. Seriously, I would rather have considered myself dirty than admit that the dark skin was from being overweight! Even I admit that untruth was dangerous.

My blood pressure started to climb at an early age as well. Now again I could explain this away with DNA. I had a family history of high blood pressure. So I didn't have to take personal responsibility for this particular ailment. Looking back I had become pretty reckless with my health.

When you are overweight you have a tendency to avoid full length mirrors, well at least I did. If you don't look at yourself then it's easy to deny that you have a problem.  I would also like to compare myself with other overweight people. I could easily say that I am not overweight because I am not as big as the Mom from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape." What I didn't do was compare myself to my more thin and fit friends. 

Why now after a lifetime of denial am I finally able to really see me? I ask myself that too, but the answer has evaded me as well. I'm not sure why... I dont' know why that particular picture got through to me. I don't know why I was suddenly able to look at myself and say I'm unhappy with the way that I look and I am becoming concerned about my health. 

What I do know is that today I am 27lbs lighter than when I started and I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far. I still have a ways to go to reach my goal and so much more to blog about. 

  

The Beginning

I should probably start by saying that my weight has been a constant struggle for me. Starting from about the age of 13 and my mother signed me up for Weight Watchers. Although I has some success with it, I didn't know at the time that my body was out of control and that I had a weight problem. Like most things, you have to recognize that there is a problem before you can start doing genuine and sincere work to fix it. Since my early teens I have had a vague notion that I was overweight and would go on periodic health kicks causing my weight to yo-yo from 125-185lbs on my 4'11'' frame. Being short, medium framed and a naturally muscular build means that I have never been the recommended 98lbs., since I was about ten which is when I stopped growing.

I would love to blame my weight on my genetics, a thyroid issue, or having a slow metabolism; but it is simply not possible. I am overweight for one reason and one reason only: ME. I love to eat, I love food. It's no one particular type of food, like the woman that is obsessed with cheese fries, it's all food. I love meat, bread, potatoes, rice, Mexican food, desserts, fried foods, cheese, cream sauces, I'm sure you get the idea. When I have talked to others about their relationship with food they seem to be able to pick out a single weakness that will tempt them, not me.

When I was pregnant with my son Wolfgang, I developed gestational diabetes. Unfortunately no matter how well I ate I could not keep my blood sugar under control so I had to start taking Glyburide. Between diet and medication I was able to keep my diabetes under control and gave birth to very healthy 6lb. 12oz., baby boy. In less than three months I found myself pregnant again, but never developed gestational diabetes, although I probably should have. While pregnant with my fourth baby I ate whatever I wanted, if it was fried I wanted it. A local Mexican Deli knew my name and the usual order that I had, Chile Relleno Burrito (with extra sour cream) or a Torta de Carnitas. I usually left the Deli and drove a few short blocks to the local cupcake bakery and ordered half a dozen to take home and share.  After giving birth to my son Zephyr, I continued to be out of control with my food choices. When we would go out to eat, I would clean my plate. I never had been able to do that before. I ate something called the 2am Burger that is a cheeseburger complete with bacon, sausage, and a fried egg! I finished off that meal by sharing a fried Snickers with my husband. I justified my behavior by saying that I was breastfeeding and needed the extra calories.

My wake up call came when I saw a picture of myself. I couldn't believe that I was looking at a picture of me. That was me, squeezing into a size 16 and extra large shirts. I made promise to myself to become healthy. To make better choices, eat better, exercise and become fit. But this had to last longer than the duration of my weight loss, this has to be a lifestyle change. I need to become a role model for all of my children.

Luck and chance provided me with the extra motivation to get my new lifestyle a kick start. I was going back to work after an eight month maternity leave and as it turned out my employer had started a fitness challenge. The grand prize being a vacation for two plus spending money, second place a $400 gift certificate for the clothing store of your choice and third place being a dinner for two in Monterey, CA. My employer would also pay for a membership to the local YMCA for the duration of the competition.