Out of Control

As my waistline shrinks and I am quickly approaching another smaller pant size I have been reflecting on my previous bad habits that resulted in my weight dilema. As I have said before, I love to eat, I love food.  For reasons that I don't understand I had no filter when it came to food. Either I didn't care how much and what I ate, or I truly didn't realize what I was doing. I guess the best way to describe it is that I was out of control.

I think of myself as a grazer, I like to sample food until I find what it is that I am craving. A spoonful of peanut butter here, a cookie there, a couple of chips, maybe a pickle, a bite of chicken, a tortilla with butter, nope none of this had the desired taste and yet I had eaten a whole meal and was still hungry and dissatisfied.   So I would continue to eat until I felt full, but never really satisfied. How do I combat that now? It's simple I pretty much decide what I am going to eat the day before. I have self imposed meal plans and snack plans. I know this sounds tedious and bit over the top but really it's the only way I have been able fight this behavior.

Often while cooking I had a tendency to "taste test" the food. I would do so much tasting that by the time the meal was completed I had eaten more than my share. I would then also sit down and eat the meal with my family doubling my portions, calories, and fat intake. I like to call that the "cooks curse." I still struggle with this, it takes a lot of self control to truly just sample the food make the appropriate adjustments with spice and leave it at that, especially if I'm hungry.

Like many people out there I was a boredom eater. For lack of anything better to do I would find myself at the fridge looking for something to eat. The choices that were made during these instances were never good for me usually a quesadilla with lots of sour cream on the side or some kind of nacho concoction.  Nowadays when I find that I want to go to the fridge out of boredom, I drink water. If in 20 minutes I'm still hungry then I will look for an appropriate snack.

When going out to eat I had convinced myself that it was perfectly acceptable to indulge my cravings every time and order what ever I wanted. There was the 2am Burger, the Carne Asada Fries, the Chile Relleno Burrito, the Torta de Carnitas, Deep Dish Pizza, and I would eat those after having appetizers of Fried Mozarella, Fried Artichoke Hearts, Stuffed Mushrooms, Cheese Fries, notice a theme yet?  Sometimes I would even find room for dessert. Now, I don't have a problem with alcohol but I would also order cocktails or beers with my meals that would add to my caloric intake for the meal. Do I still enjoy going out to eat, of course. I consider the indulgence now that I don't have to cook the meal. I am also looking forward to having a date with the love of my life Richy and being able to put on an outfit and impress him and myself.  Plus I love seafood, and veggies which is usually what is on the "lighter side" part of the menu.

Late night hunger was another foe of mine. I would eat any time of the day and never really considered the kitchen closed. Hungry at 3am? Go get yourself a PB&J sandwich, some ice cream or see what kind of leftovers are still in the fridge. Truly, I had no self control. Nowadays the kitchen closes at 8pm. If I feel hungry after that, I drink water, exercise or simply try to find something to do to keep myself occupied.

Breaking my bad habits has been a slow process and I would be a liar if I said that I was always perfect, there are some late night gummy bears on my conscience right now as a matter of fact. But I know that I have come a long way from making those old decisions and it won't be long before all those habits are truly in my past.