My Dryer Shrunk My Clothes!!!

I remember the very first time I blamed my weight gain on my dryer. I was in college and like most people in college I had gained weight. Clothes that fit me beautifully through High School were now barely zipping. My dryer must have shrunk my jeans, there was simply no other explanation for it. I remember staring down my jeans and the offending household appliance, thinking that there must be some way to get even with them for conspiring against me. The only thing that I could think of was to stop using the dryer and let everything air dry so that my clothes wouldn't "shrink" so much. I would begin to do this after I went and bought some new clothes, for some reason the fact that I was now buying a bigger size never came to my attention. To be fair with myself I also didn't notice when I was buying smaller sizes.

There were other silly things that I told myself as I continued to gain weight. You know the old adage that the camera adds 5lbs, well in my book it did that to my double chin alone. I could not figure out why there was not a picture of me that I really liked, I always blamed the camera for the reason that there was not a single good picture of me. To combat my ongoing feud with this form of technology I would thrust my chin forward or try to bury it in my shoulder, hide behind friends or children, or take pictures from above to give myself a more slender look. I would prefer that my body was not photographed at all, because clearly the cameras were of poor quality and they would easily add 30lbs., without my permission.

I justified the cleaning of my plate at restaurants. I would remind myself that I hated food waste and even if I took some home that I wouldn't eat it. You can really get yourself in trouble when eating out, I know I did. I love Carne Asada Fries, they are like comfort food for me. Really how can you get better than Mexican food on french fries? I would clean my plate with a gluttonous smile. Besides, lots of people ate more than me. What about the show Man V. Food, I mean clearly I wasn't over indulging like Adam Richman. Now that guys food habits were out of control. 

As the years progressed and I continued to put on weight I developed a snoring problem. That was totally easy to explain! It was genetic! I had heard my Dad snore a thousand times and he even had sleeping mask.  Richy would sometimes tell me that it seemed like I was having a snoring competition with our English Bulldog or even with the TV (he would sometimes have to turn it up because I was so loud apparently my unconscious answer to that was to snore even louder).  Snoring was not my fault at all, I could blame my DNA and stay oblivious to my increasing waistline. 

I had developed darkening skin on my neck and would scrub it constantly trying to get it to lighten or go away. I actually told myself that I had bad hygiene, instead of admitting that I could be pre-diabetic. Seriously, I would rather have considered myself dirty than admit that the dark skin was from being overweight! Even I admit that untruth was dangerous.

My blood pressure started to climb at an early age as well. Now again I could explain this away with DNA. I had a family history of high blood pressure. So I didn't have to take personal responsibility for this particular ailment. Looking back I had become pretty reckless with my health.

When you are overweight you have a tendency to avoid full length mirrors, well at least I did. If you don't look at yourself then it's easy to deny that you have a problem.  I would also like to compare myself with other overweight people. I could easily say that I am not overweight because I am not as big as the Mom from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape." What I didn't do was compare myself to my more thin and fit friends. 

Why now after a lifetime of denial am I finally able to really see me? I ask myself that too, but the answer has evaded me as well. I'm not sure why... I dont' know why that particular picture got through to me. I don't know why I was suddenly able to look at myself and say I'm unhappy with the way that I look and I am becoming concerned about my health. 

What I do know is that today I am 27lbs lighter than when I started and I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far. I still have a ways to go to reach my goal and so much more to blog about.